Government Shocked Civil Service Not Volunteering
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has expressed profound, unblinking astonishment upon discovering that several thousand humans are still legally permitted to exchange labor…
Category: Politics
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Business Leaders Enter Holy Order of Tax Freedom
WELLINGTON — A convention room packed with four hundred of the nation’s top chief executives has unanimously voted to convert the corporate…
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ACT Promises to Freeze Minimum Wage to Boost Corporate Profits
The ACT Party has unveiled its boldest economic vision to date: a comprehensive strategy to freeze the adult minimum wage for three…
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National Candidate Confirms Climate Change Exists
Following a brief electoral excursion into metaphysical meteorology, National’s Whangārei candidate Lloyd Budd has successfully re-aligned his meteorological worldview with the consensus…
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Wellington Bureaucracy Replaces History Subcommittee With a High-Speed Industrial Shredder Named ‘Kevin’
Following the latest political blueprint to wind up the Waitangi Tribunal, government officials have confirmed that any remaining historical context will be…
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Nation Braces as MSD Accidentally Classifies Oxygen as ‘Luxury Item’
Officials insist the misclassification is merely an “administrative hiccup” and that New Zealanders can still breathe “through appropriate alternative channels.”
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Sunday Special: Kiwimart to Require Three-Hour Queues, Two Referendums Per Apple
Government-owned grocery chain announced with ‘world-class efficiency’ targets including minimum wait times and compulsory community consultation before price changes.
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Parliament Forced to Consult Local High School Biology Teacher After Politician Admits Complete Ignorance of Word ‘Biological’
The Ministry of Lexical Compliance has confirmed that until a scientist can be located, all New Zealanders must legally hover in a…
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Ministry of Institutional Memory Fines Farmer for Visualising a Cumulus Cloud
Following emergency amendments to the MMP Seniority and Atmosphere Protection Act, the government has confirmed that unseasoned novices under the age of…
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Ministry Of Energy Solves Power Crisis By Declaring Hypothermia A ‘Flexible Energy-Saving Strategy’
With gentailers recording record profits while 200,000 households freeze, officials insist shivering is merely ‘homegrown kinetic thermoregulation.’ WELLINGTON — The Ministry of…