Government Confirms Every Auckland Commuter To Receive Their Own Police Officer By 2032
Officials say the move is a natural next step after determining that visible police presence works best when it exceeds the number…
Tag: satire
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Wellington Bureaucracy Replaces History Subcommittee With a High-Speed Industrial Shredder Named ‘Kevin’
Following the latest political blueprint to wind up the Waitangi Tribunal, government officials have confirmed that any remaining historical context will be…
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Nation Braces as MSD Accidentally Classifies Oxygen as ‘Luxury Item’
Officials insist the misclassification is merely an “administrative hiccup” and that New Zealanders can still breathe “through appropriate alternative channels.”
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Sunday Special: Kiwimart to Require Three-Hour Queues, Two Referendums Per Apple
Government-owned grocery chain announced with ‘world-class efficiency’ targets including minimum wait times and compulsory community consultation before price changes.
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Parliament Forced to Consult Local High School Biology Teacher After Politician Admits Complete Ignorance of Word ‘Biological’
The Ministry of Lexical Compliance has confirmed that until a scientist can be located, all New Zealanders must legally hover in a…
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Spill Caused By Officials Expecting Someone Else To Fix It
An independent inquiry recommends the creation of four new sub-committees, a refreshed brand identity, and a public awareness campaign urging residents to…
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Ministry of Institutional Memory Fines Farmer for Visualising a Cumulus Cloud
Following emergency amendments to the MMP Seniority and Atmosphere Protection Act, the government has confirmed that unseasoned novices under the age of…