Government Confirms Absence Of Māori Health Plan Is Actually Phase One Of New Flexible No-Plan Strategy
Officials insist that having no policy for 18 months represents a breakthrough in agile, highly responsive non-interventionism.
Tag: satire
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Government Shocked Civil Service Not Volunteering
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has expressed profound, unblinking astonishment upon discovering that several thousand humans are still legally permitted to exchange labor…
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Business Leaders Enter Holy Order of Tax Freedom
WELLINGTON — A convention room packed with four hundred of the nation’s top chief executives has unanimously voted to convert the corporate…
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ACT Promises to Freeze Minimum Wage to Boost Corporate Profits
The ACT Party has unveiled its boldest economic vision to date: a comprehensive strategy to freeze the adult minimum wage for three…
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National Candidate Confirms Climate Change Exists
Following a brief electoral excursion into metaphysical meteorology, National’s Whangārei candidate Lloyd Budd has successfully re-aligned his meteorological worldview with the consensus…
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Government Confirms Every Auckland Commuter To Receive Their Own Police Officer By 2032
Officials say the move is a natural next step after determining that visible police presence works best when it exceeds the number…
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Wellington Bureaucracy Replaces History Subcommittee With a High-Speed Industrial Shredder Named ‘Kevin’
Following the latest political blueprint to wind up the Waitangi Tribunal, government officials have confirmed that any remaining historical context will be…
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Nation Braces as MSD Accidentally Classifies Oxygen as ‘Luxury Item’
Officials insist the misclassification is merely an “administrative hiccup” and that New Zealanders can still breathe “through appropriate alternative channels.”
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Sunday Special: Kiwimart to Require Three-Hour Queues, Two Referendums Per Apple
Government-owned grocery chain announced with ‘world-class efficiency’ targets including minimum wait times and compulsory community consultation before price changes.
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Parliament Forced to Consult Local High School Biology Teacher After Politician Admits Complete Ignorance of Word ‘Biological’
The Ministry of Lexical Compliance has confirmed that until a scientist can be located, all New Zealanders must legally hover in a…